I wish to transform my mind – from a chattering, busy, worrying mind to a quiet, calm, graceful mind. I wish to transform the drama I create in my mind to quiet thoughtfulness that works through the unknown I encounter in life.
This is hard to admit – but it seems all my adult life that I can remember – when things go wrong I take it personally and get upset and emotional. I feel like the universe does not like me for some reason. And I fret over what I have done to cause this.
We have a very cool camper van – Samwise (yes, from The Lord of the Rings). It is so fun to take adventures with Samwise, a room with a view in the wilderness. The only problem has been that Samwise has had a lot, a lot of mechanical issues.
This past weekend he stranded my husband when he was off on a business trip. Yet another mechanical that was expensive, and is still not completely resolved. I don’t want to bore you with all of the details, but suffice it to say – it threw me for a loop.
I got upset and emotional…and took it personally – like I had done something wrong and the universe was punishing me. It feels like it’s been piling on over the past few years. There have been some doozies – getting laid off, surgery and other health issues, and the vehicle.
There have also been some very wonderful times and many ‘Ordinary Sparkling Moments‘ (a great phrase and a wonderful book by Christine Mason Miller) that I fail to remember or appreciate when things are going wrong. I forget to be thankful for my health – and in this incident that it wasn’t an accident and no one was hurt.
When I talked with friends – ranted, weeped, moaned – I received so many understanding nods, sympathetic words, and hugs. And my husband, who was living the drama – three nights stuck – was ever so patient with my emotional turmoil (he always is). It has all helped me realize everything will work out OK. And I am hoping, along with this very timely Wishcasting Wednesday prompt from the lovely Jamie Ridler, I will continue to learn to deal with unexpected wrenches life throws with more grace.
Thank you all for listening. Please know I am here to listen also. Namasté.